Still Single and Pushing (Almost) Thirty

A Lesson Before Asking...

...me out on a date, to be my Facebook friend, for my number, etc.

If I...

...stand or sit as far away from you as possible, I don't like you.  (Seriously, if I'm posted up on the other, other side of a bench that you're sitting on, so much so that I'm practically sitting on the arm of said bench, please, get the hint. I'm not interested.)

...refuse to engage you in conversation and simply reply to you with "yes" or "no", I don't like you. (Being curt, rolling my eyes, and turning my back to you is not code for "I want your sexy body." It's really not much of a "code" at all. It clearly means, "I'm done talking so you should be too.")

...tell you I have a boyfriend...because you obviously won't take "no" for an answer when I come right out and say it...I don't like you. (I'm lying to you. Women don't tend to lie to men they actually may want in their life.)

...don't notice you before you notice me, I don't like you. (Oh, I noticed you all right, with your obnoxious horn honking, arm waving, and hollering...'nuff said.)

...make the mistake of giving you my number, but never call, return your calls or texts, and/or tell you to stop calling me, I don't like you. (Get the damn hint!)

...order a three-onion burger on our first date (because I took my mom's advice and gave you a chance) and refuse any gum or mints afterwards, I don't like you.  (At some point during the date, you turned me off, so I'm returning the favor.)

Take note of these signs. They're not accidents.  I'm sending you a message and I'm gonna need you to get the hint.  Save us all some trouble.

Converse With Me, Let's Chat, Let's Chat Away...

(The title should be sung to the tune of "Come Fly With Me"...the song was in my head...had to use it. What can I say?)

So, I was playing around on the Internet, visiting pre-planned and random sites (because that's what we single girls do when we're not getting ready for a fabulous date...so yeah, it's a daily thing for me...lol). 

Anyway, I visited Clutch magazine and came across a brief notice for a relationship site called Flaglerhill.  I'd never heard of this site before, so naturally, I checked it out. (I'm really curious like that...advertisers LOVE me!)

It's FANTASTIC! Now, not only do you have my (to die for/can't live without) blog *smile*, you also have an entire community to rant, share, converse with others on the perils and/or happier times of dating.

Don't miss out! Join the discussion and let me know what you think of the site after you've joined!

Hope is for the Lucky and the Delusional

Remember last month when I mentioned reading the Essence articles, 10 Places ot Meet Black Men and The  Fabulous Single Girl's Summer Dating Guide?

Well, true to my word, I have followed some of their advice just to see if any of it would actually pay off.  If there's really any validity to this thing called "hope" (which I've been grappling with, struggling to keep hold of lately).

Let's review.  In the first article, 10 Places, Charreah Jackson and Niema Jordan suggest the following places to meet men:

1. A home-improvement class
2. A volunteer organization
3. A little league game
4. A gym
5. A strip club (you can read the article for their reasoning on this...I don't get it either.)
6. A political campaign
7. A wedding
8. An art museum
9. A summer festival
10. A bookstore

As of now, I've taken my hopeful tail on fieldtrips to numbers 4 (kinda...I went on a tour of the gym, but it just costs too much to join), 7 and 10.  ( In fact, I've gone to the bookstore countless times, and have spent hours there each time...but nothing happens.  No man comes to inquire about the book I'm reading, or what kind of frappuchino I'm drinking, or even to tell me how good I look in my new strapless top and skinny jeans from The Limited, with Aldo heels to match.  However, it was also suggested that I look my best everywhere I go and "don't forget the heels!" For what, I ask. For what?)

Onto the next article.

In Demetria L Lucas and Tanisha A. Sykes's The Fabulous Single Girl's Summer Dating Guide, they include interviews with various women of different ages who are apparently dating divas of some sort. (Their number of regular dates is impressive.) 

I had high hopes for this one (Damn that "hope" word again!).  It really struck a chord and elicited some "Amens" from me as I read the opening: "Maybe you're tired of expecting to meet a good man whenever you go out, only to get back home without any new numbers."

"Yes! You get it!" I thought.

I continued reading only to discover the advice was not only stuff I'd already tried and hated, but also really obvious and at times, irrelevant (at least to me, at this point).  The advice:

1. "Go where the men are." No crap. I've gone where the men are.  Just last night, I went to PlayDate Raleigh.  There were hundreds of men! But, did I come home with any numbers or with giving out my number? Noooo!  Yeah, I scoped out some hot ones...especially Thrasher.  He was fine.  He also worked for PlayDate. (Thrasher was his codename...you use codenames on your nametags instead of your real ones.)  I got close to him several times during the large group games.  He bent over in front of me with his arms outstretched, trying to keep the crowd back so there was room for the players in the circle.  When his (cute) butt grazed me, my heart skipped a beat.  I also took that opportunity to smack it. (LOL...Just kidding.  I kind of wanted to though.) But really, I took that opportunity to bump into him on "accident".  He turned around with his fine self and I smiled and said, "Sorry." He just said, "Oh, that's ok." and turned right back around! WTF?!
2. "Date online." I've also done this.  E-harmony, Match.com, True.com, Chemistry.com, and most recently, OnlineBootyCall.com.  A male friend suggested it...Don't ask. (I deleted my account a few hours later.)
3. "Date to have fun."As for this one, well, I'd date to have fun, if I could FIND SOMEONE TO GO ON A DATE WITH! (And...breathe.)
4. "Don't limit yourself." I don't limit myself, but I do have standards, as you all well know.
5. "Flirt." I do.  I smile and laugh, pretend to bump into men so I can hopefully (damnit!) start a conversation with them.  Still nothing. (I'm gonna need more attractive men to grow some balls and approach me!)
6. "Date like a man."  And again, perhaps if I actually HAD(several) dates lined up, I could "date like a man"...at least until I found one I'd want to date exclusively.

I'm done with this whole "hope" thing.  It's so overrated. I'm done thinking that when I go out there's actually the potential for me to meet someone.

Every time my hopes are dashed and it's just too emotionally exhausting.

If I get the same results staying home as I do going out, I'll save the gas money, hair appointment cost, and cash for a new outfit on pizza and a movie on my couch.

To Love, or Never Love? That is the Question.

Ok, here's a question post for this week.

Is it really better to have loved and lost than never loved at all?

I know many people have strong feelings about one side or the other, so express them here and share why you feel this way.  If you're opinion falls somewhere in the middle, explain that too.  I'd really like to know your opinions on this one.

I've felt both ways at some point in my life:  EX: If you've never loved, you don't know what you're missing; on the other hand, do you think people who've never loved still yearn to love? 

Discuss.

Why You All in My Grill?

Apparently, we need a spin-off of Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo's book, He's Just Not That into You, because men can be a little slow too.  Case in point:

A friend of mine recently asked me why men just don't seem to understand when a woman is "just not that into" him.  A man (whom she randomly met while running errands) continues to call and text her, even though she never answers his calls and never returns his calls/texts. 

What's his deal? Why doesn't he get it?

Should she get over her passive-aggressive ways, and just be blunt with him (even if it hurts his feelings), or should she just continue to ignore him and pray he goes away?

How do you/would you all handle this situation? Discuss.

Pheromones Anyone?

Last summer, I read an article about how birth control pills can screw up relationships because they may cause women to be attracted to the wrong man.   Apparently, the pill messes with a woman's ability to "sniff out" a man with a different genetic make-up, thus causing a woman to "sniff out" a man with a similar make-up instead.  It's quite primitive, really.  Not only can this lead to  miscarriages, birth defects, or infertility in general, it can also lead to infidelity if the woman goes on or off the pill, because she may realize that the man she's currently with, just isn't doing it for her...or to her, for that matter, the way she'd like.

Last summer, I had just started taking those pills.

Like any concerned, attractive, single woman, I grilled my gynocologist about it.  I was seriously worried that I was putting myself in even more danger of dying alone.  She assured me that I had nothing to worry about, that B.C. pills did nothing of the sort.  Just plain ridiculous.

Then, I watched Oprah. Three weeks ago. About six months after I thought my worries were over.

She had several doctors who specialize in sexual attraction on her show discussing the science of attraction.  And wouldn't you know...they also said the same thing about those damn pills!  The doctors further explained that when a woman is taking the pill, she doesn't ovulate, which means she doesn't send out any scents to men, and confuses the scents of men.

I didn't need any help finding the "wrong" man, or not finding any man for that matter.  It just so happened that I'd finished my last pack a week before and wasn't due to start a new one for a couple of days... so I decided I was done with those dream-of-a-happy-marriage-destroyers.  I was going to ovulate once again and snag my man!

The next day, I got my hair done, donned a FABULOUS dress and went out to a club that night with a friend.  My mission: meet some guys, not pay for any drinks, and see if this whole pheromone, instinctive, smell attraction thing was a farce, or truth.  Now, I'd been out numerous times during the months past, but no luck...and no free drinks.  That night, however, I was approached, bought (several) drinks, danced with, asked for my number, and...*gasp*...called the next day.  I definitely think there's something to this pheromone thing.

There's just one problem...while I wait for my horomones to get themselves back in check, my face is starting to, well, break out slightly.  Let's just hope it clears up quickly and doesn't get any worse, or else, I'll have trouble finding a man for a different reason.  

For more information about the birth control/attraction study, click on the following links:

http://www.sciam.com/article.cfm?id=birth-control-pills-affect-womens-taste

http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=91796