Hope is for the Lucky and the Delusional

Remember last month when I mentioned reading the Essence articles, 10 Places ot Meet Black Men and The  Fabulous Single Girl's Summer Dating Guide?

Well, true to my word, I have followed some of their advice just to see if any of it would actually pay off.  If there's really any validity to this thing called "hope" (which I've been grappling with, struggling to keep hold of lately).

Let's review.  In the first article, 10 Places, Charreah Jackson and Niema Jordan suggest the following places to meet men:

1. A home-improvement class
2. A volunteer organization
3. A little league game
4. A gym
5. A strip club (you can read the article for their reasoning on this...I don't get it either.)
6. A political campaign
7. A wedding
8. An art museum
9. A summer festival
10. A bookstore

As of now, I've taken my hopeful tail on fieldtrips to numbers 4 (kinda...I went on a tour of the gym, but it just costs too much to join), 7 and 10.  ( In fact, I've gone to the bookstore countless times, and have spent hours there each time...but nothing happens.  No man comes to inquire about the book I'm reading, or what kind of frappuchino I'm drinking, or even to tell me how good I look in my new strapless top and skinny jeans from The Limited, with Aldo heels to match.  However, it was also suggested that I look my best everywhere I go and "don't forget the heels!" For what, I ask. For what?)

Onto the next article.

In Demetria L Lucas and Tanisha A. Sykes's The Fabulous Single Girl's Summer Dating Guide, they include interviews with various women of different ages who are apparently dating divas of some sort. (Their number of regular dates is impressive.) 

I had high hopes for this one (Damn that "hope" word again!).  It really struck a chord and elicited some "Amens" from me as I read the opening: "Maybe you're tired of expecting to meet a good man whenever you go out, only to get back home without any new numbers."

"Yes! You get it!" I thought.

I continued reading only to discover the advice was not only stuff I'd already tried and hated, but also really obvious and at times, irrelevant (at least to me, at this point).  The advice:

1. "Go where the men are." No crap. I've gone where the men are.  Just last night, I went to PlayDate Raleigh.  There were hundreds of men! But, did I come home with any numbers or with giving out my number? Noooo!  Yeah, I scoped out some hot ones...especially Thrasher.  He was fine.  He also worked for PlayDate. (Thrasher was his codename...you use codenames on your nametags instead of your real ones.)  I got close to him several times during the large group games.  He bent over in front of me with his arms outstretched, trying to keep the crowd back so there was room for the players in the circle.  When his (cute) butt grazed me, my heart skipped a beat.  I also took that opportunity to smack it. (LOL...Just kidding.  I kind of wanted to though.) But really, I took that opportunity to bump into him on "accident".  He turned around with his fine self and I smiled and said, "Sorry." He just said, "Oh, that's ok." and turned right back around! WTF?!
2. "Date online." I've also done this.  E-harmony, Match.com, True.com, Chemistry.com, and most recently, OnlineBootyCall.com.  A male friend suggested it...Don't ask. (I deleted my account a few hours later.)
3. "Date to have fun."As for this one, well, I'd date to have fun, if I could FIND SOMEONE TO GO ON A DATE WITH! (And...breathe.)
4. "Don't limit yourself." I don't limit myself, but I do have standards, as you all well know.
5. "Flirt." I do.  I smile and laugh, pretend to bump into men so I can hopefully (damnit!) start a conversation with them.  Still nothing. (I'm gonna need more attractive men to grow some balls and approach me!)
6. "Date like a man."  And again, perhaps if I actually HAD(several) dates lined up, I could "date like a man"...at least until I found one I'd want to date exclusively.

I'm done with this whole "hope" thing.  It's so overrated. I'm done thinking that when I go out there's actually the potential for me to meet someone.

Every time my hopes are dashed and it's just too emotionally exhausting.

If I get the same results staying home as I do going out, I'll save the gas money, hair appointment cost, and cash for a new outfit on pizza and a movie on my couch.

Comments

[Samantha Oehley]

You and I share the same mind set, my friend.
People are always like "go on a few dates, don't be so picky" - to which I stare at them and say: Well, give me a few guys and maybe I will! Right now, there's no one to choose from at all!"

All the good ones are taken, or not interested. Everyone else, not interested either. The weirdos? I stay away from them because I'm NOT lowering my standards just for a date. I'm not that desperate. (Borderline, but not 100%)! Ha ha.

I'd like to hear your thoughts on the men who complain that women aren't interested in them because they're 'too nice' (but obviously he's looking at the horrible girls, and not the nice ones).