Being Single Sucks...Don't Lie...You Know It Does

I hate it when happy couples tell me things like, "You do NOT want to be in a relationship.  It's too much drama and headache." or "Be glad you're single, you can do whatever you want all the time.  I wish I was single again..."

Seriously?

Then why the hell are you always with each other? You don't seem too unhappy.  Besides, I don't really care...I know what I want and if you don't want what you have, get out of it, give it to me (if he's fine)... or just shut up.  When I come to you, do NOT patronize me!  Do NOT feed me that crap, because you know that's what it is.  If being in a relationship was such an abomination, no one would do it...ever!

Do you know what IS an abomination, however?  My experience with online dating. 

I'm not a fan of it (neither the book nor online dating), but I bought this book called, How to Get a Date Worth Keeping, by Dr. Henry Cloud (it was recommended to me...don't ask)and he suggests to "get over the stigma and join a service."  So, I did...thinking I was being the bigger person and that it would allow me to meet more people since I seem to be too busy to meet anyone in "real life". What I learned from this, though, is that I'm just able to meet more losers in a shorter time span than ever before.  You see, before the online dating thing, I'd meet maybe one loser a year...now, thanks to match.com, I've met two losers in two weeks!

About an hour ago, I was on the phone...for the first time...with loser number 2.  This guy (who by the way is named after a state, I won't tell you which one...go ahead pick any state...it doesn't really matter, he's a loser all the same)  sounds like a stereotypical arrogant nerd...the ones who speak almost too properly, Carlton-like, but worse.  He proceeds to attempt to start a conversation by asking me about the weather...literally!!!! That is so cliche, and he didn't even do a good job at it.  He says, "Have you enjoyed the weather today?"  I'm thinking to myself, "When?  When I saw it pouring down rain from my classroom window, or when I was standing out in the pouring rain doing parking lot duty because I accidentally left my umbrellas in my car?"  Then, he remembers it was raining and proceeds to ask if I washed my car, explaining that he always has bad luck and seems to wash his car right before it rains and blah blah blah...

Next subject: The Movies.

Then, he began firing questions at me like he was making marks on some mental checklist: (Which would soon be revealed to be an actual checklist.)

 1) How often do you go to the movies? (Check)

2) Do you buy popcorn or do you sneak food in? (Check)

3) Do you put butter or salt on your popcorn? (Check)

4) Do you like to sit in the front where your neck hurts, the middle, or in the very back so we can make out? (Check) (Really? Did you really just ask me that?)

Yes! These are direct quotes from (insert state name here). He concludes his questioning with, "I've tallied up your score and it seems as though you're not going to stab me."  If you only knew...

He ended the movie discussion with an ever so romantic gesture: "I'm just going to let you know up front.  If it's for a chick-flick, I won't pay for it..."

He went on to say even more ridiculous, crass, unimportant things, but I zoned out and praised God when I got a call on the other line. 

You wish you were single again, huh?

Doubt it.

Do any of you have any humorous dating experiences to share? I'd love to hear them!

Comments

[Marian Schwartz]

Oh, dear. I feel for you. Though I am only a young middle schooler, I've seen things and heard things. "Arizona" shall never be spoken of again. Hahahahaha!
I wish you the best of luck, honey. Rock on!

[Mom]

Drea

You are such a good writer! He sounds like a jerk!! Full of himself! Hey maybe that can be your article, all about being single and your own experiences. I am still praying for someone very special to enter your life. Meanwhile....

[mysskay]

Hilarious!!!! I loved this post! I'm looking forward to more in the future.

[Single'nMinglin']

@mysskay: Thanks! There will definitely be more! :) I couldn't believe that guy either! Can you say, crazy?? LOL.

[SGT McClain]

Wow, just know that all computer nerds aren't that crass! Some of us can be really decent.

But yeah I don't think those internet dating sites are the answer to being single. I think the problem is that most people either use them because they are lazy or because they are looking for a quick fix, but thats just my personal experience.

Most lazy people aren't going to put in the effort for a decent relationship or even date, hell the way they figure it you responed to their ad.. why should they have to do anything else?

And the quick fix people you can tell them almost instantly...

But I guess in my old age.. (Almost 30... in like 30 min LOL) I have gotten too picky and I am tired of dealing with women who can't appreciate a guy who wants to honestly be all about them.

But here I am on your blog rambling on lol... I guess I will stop my rant and get off my soapbox for now!

[Maddie]

Oh, I can empathize. I’m 29 and all of my friends have boyfriends or husbands. I feel like the permanent man out. After several weeks of consistent nagging, I finally joined an online service. And I too met a plethora of losers on said dating site. This one particular guy would call me about 5 times a day and text me about 10 times. That was after talking to his on the phone one time, which was miserable. I felt like I was applying for a job (one where you know that you are overly qualified, but just keep going with it because you have nothing else to do). Anyway, I didn’t pick up the phone or return the text messages. Apparently this pissed him off because his messages turn nasty. Lucky me, I found a loser and a crazy.

[Single'nMinglin']

@Maddie,

I defintiely feel for you. I just turned 29 a couple of months ago and being single is definitely getting old. LOL. 'Hope you are able to get rid of the online crazy guy! :) Thanks for reading the blog!